it’s a wave
dragging me under
submerging everything in darkness
struggling to breath
hoping to come up for air again
hoping to see the light once more
it’s a circle
of itching
of scratching
of pain
of self-blame
of hating yourself
on loop
it’s scratching
till there is blood
trying not to cry cause saltwater makes it worse
it’s wanting to rip your skin off
literally
it’s cutting your nails down to the base
it’s supposed to get better with puberty
it did
it didn’t
I can’t do it again
I just can’t
but I will
the only option out is death
but I don’t wanna die anymore
life is better
life is good
life can be great
a lot of times it is
it’s forgetting it can be again
it’s shame
an abundance of it
it’s self-loathing
it’s punishment
it’s wanting to hide
it’s so hard to talk about
impossible sometimes
this is me trying
trying to let some of the darkness out
it’s ugly
therefore I’m ugly
so much dysmorphia in just one body
it’s getting advice from people you have just met
it’s questioning everything you do
it’s policing yourself
it’s the choice of destroying your skin or
your skin destroying you
it’s trying everything
it’s reading medical journals
it’s spending money
heaps of it
trying to find relief
it’s just a skin condition
it’s depression
it’s stress
it’s stressful
it’s too much
it’s being tired
all the time
it’s quite nothing
it’s everything
Skye Ebner
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